


Chauffeur-driven

by derryderrydown



Category: Generation Kill, Iron Man (Movies)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-22
Updated: 2012-03-22
Packaged: 2017-11-02 09:22:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/367457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/derryderrydown/pseuds/derryderrydown





	Chauffeur-driven

When Tony steps off the plane in Afghanistan, he's met by an army of officers and an eight-foot-tall Viking.

Afghanistan, he thinks, is looking up.

The officers begin to herd him to a particularly shiny Humvee, but Tony refuses to be herded. Instead, he points at the Viking's beaten-up Humvee. "I want to go in that one," he says, and keeps saying it over all Rhodey's objections.

He gets his own way.

He's Tony Stark. Of _course_ he gets his own way.

There's a Marine on the roof with a Stark Industries Mk.50, the Viking's in the passenger seat, and Tony's settling in to enjoy as much of the view as he can, when the driver starts talking.

"You're seriously fucking lucky," he says, as the Humvee jerks off, following the shiny one.

And, yes, Tony is lucky. Being Tony Stark is the ultimate in luck. He's just not sure why the driver has brought the subject up.

"You are riding with fucking Recon Marines, and we are the toughest motherfuckers you will ever meet."

Tony can believe it of the Viking, but the driver's a wiry little shit with huge eyes, and the guy on the roof is too beautiful to be intimidating. "That's nice," Tony says. "You're only tough because you've got my guns."

"Bullshit," the driver says. "My man Brad here," and he takes both hands off the wheel to point at the Viking, "took out an enemy missile battery with a knife - and it was a Leatherman, not a Stark, because, dude, the Stark multitool fucking sucks."

The Viking rolls his eyes but doesn't say anything. Tony opens his mouth to defend the Starktool which, okay, _was_ hopelessly over-engineered but so much fun to design that he hadn't been able to stop, but the driver keeps talking over him.

"Fruity Rudy can kick your butt with both hands up his ass, and explain Zen Buddhism while he's doing it, because one day he'll figure out he's gay." The last is yelled, and the guy on the roof, who, by process of elimination, must be Fruity Rudy, kicks the back of the driver's seat.

"And what's your lethal skill?" Tony asks.

"Me?" The driver turns round and grins. "I will fucking _charm_ you to death, homes. I'm completely irresistable. It's a handicap at times. I can't talk to anybody without them falling in love with me - or at least wanting in my pants."

"Watch the road, Ray," the Viking - Brad - says, and Ray turns back just in time to slam the brakes on and avoid going into the back of the shiny Humvee.

He doesn't stop talking, though. "I bet you're already in love with me, right? Bet you want to do filthy things to me."

"I want to gag you," Tony says, thoughtfully.

"Oh, you're a _kinky_ motherfucker!" Ray nudges Brad. "Told you he would be."


End file.
